You've come a long way, baby.

Alright, so, I have been doing some internet reading on this website: http://www.truewoman.com/. I am not one to judge or to criticize anyone's beliefs, but I am a bit baffled as to how any woman would be able to agree with this website and what it says about a woman's "godly duty". The whole movement is centered around the belief that woman was made to serve man. Um... what? I'm sorry, but I think it's a little degrading to say that the whole point of being a woman is so that you can find a husband, get pregnant, and spend the rest of your life doting on him and your kids. The website even goes so far as to say it's selfish for a woman to remain single or to pursue a career. That's insane! How is it selfish to decide that marriage and/or children is not the right path for you? I do not understand how any self-respecting woman can acquiesce to this way of thinking. We're not inferior, and we certainly shouldn't be expected to get married and serve our husband "as Christ serves the Lord". I understand that some women would prefer a life as a stay-at-home mom/housewife, and that's fine, but it's important to recognize that there is a choice involved. Marriage isn't necessary. Kids are not necessary. It's not selfish to decide to lead a life as a single woman or as a mother with a career. We are not the inferior sex, ladies. There is no such thing, man and woman are equal. What the hell was feminism for if not to perpetuate that belief? But, oh, actually, the "True Woman" movement thinks the feminist movement was a big step backwards because it brought women out of the home to pursue a life as something other than just a wife and a mother, which is apparently all we should aspire to be. How can anyone believe that? I'm sorry, but if I ever decide to get married, it's going to be an equal partnership. My husband is NOT the head of the household because he's the man, no one is going to be the leader. Isn't that what marriage is about? Ugh... I'm sorry, I know it's their prerogative to live a life of "liberation through submission", but it seems to me it's not a choice that they are making, but rather one that's being made for them. I think it's really sad...

I need some motivation.

So, I found out today that I am on academic probation... again. Since I got to Valley Oaks in the 8th grade, I've been on academic probation a total of 4 times, counting this time. I feel like such a slacker and I hate it. What's worse is that I thought I was doing relatively well on my school work so far. Apparently I have nothing higher than a B-. I know I'm not stupid, but, being lazy isn't really all that much of a better character trait. I'm in danger of not graduating, according to my teachers, and now I am stressing big time. As if I wasn't inordinately anxious already. Oh well, I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles. I'll deal with it. Shouldn't be too hard right? I can't believe I am not even doing well in English, though. English is my forte, and I have a 77%. What the hell is that? I'm getting to complacent. I need some kind of ambition. Where can I find that? It certainly can't be found anywhere at Valley Oaks. I have little to no motivation and it's taking it's toll on my academic performance. Hopefully high school doesn't matter as much as it's being made out to be. I think I would excel in college, much more so than in high school. I like the concept of getting to study what I want to, instead of what I have to. We'll see come fall, I guess.

I'm gonna get started.

So, I kind of forgot I even had this thing, and I decided I'd like to start it up, and for real this time. I'm going to put the word out there, get some readers, spark some interest. I'd like to start posting every day, like you're supposed to. For now, I guess I'll just do a recap of the past month or so for the people who I plan to recruit as an audience.

Well, I was legalized in January, finally. I'm 18 and I must say, it's not all it's cracked up to be. The only real difference? I can buy Lotto tickets now. It's a milestone, I suppose, though. I've been given a lot more freedom by my mother, but I'm also carrying a few responsibilities. I pay for my own stuff now (besides my cell... soon, though) and I am on the lookout for a job. Nothing yet, but the yard sale I had put me up $225 bucks. Not bad for one Saturday morning.

Sam moved in with me about a month ago. It's been going incredibly well so far, and I'm hoping it will continue to. It's caused some tension between us and a few people, but, I think the awkwardness is slowly dying down. Hopefully soon everyone will be accepting of us. Not that nobody is on our side. Most of my family is incredibly supportive. I guess it's just a little more common on my side. He and I have been pooling our money together, and it hasn't been too incredibly difficult to buy our food and necessities (and even a few tiny luxuries), but I get that it's going to be a tough year or so. We're not moving out on our own just yet, but it's definitely in the cards. Until then, though, I'm loving how it's going so far. Not sleeping alone is quite lovely.

School is... eh, it's going, I guess. I'm a tad behind in a couple of classes, but I'm pretty much on par with everything. It's not intelligence I lack, just ambition. I'm a bit too lazy because I'm used to doing hardly anything and still getting by in everything. I didn't realize senior year required more than that. Only three more months, though; and then off to B.C. It's kind of my only option at the moment. We'll see where that takes me. I'm just going to start in the Spring, since I may be spending a few months in South America over the summer. Which, by the way, I'm stoked about.

Let's see, home life, school life, plans for the near future... Not much more to cover. After this, my blogs will be less diary entry and more... I can't really think of a term, I'm exhausted, but basically it will be more like other blogs. Opinions and thoughts and all that jazz. So, stay tuned.

Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Trust... and all it's difficulties.

I have a blatant problem with trusting people. I can't think of a single person that I trust unfailingly. There are way too many doubts and worries in my mind that keep me from being content for longer than five minutes at a time. There is something wrong with me, I honestly cannot accept any explanation that isn't the worst case scenario. I am given a perfectly good explanation that must be true (as it has been promised to me), but I go ahead and believe just what would make me want to cry my heart out. What do I have to do to be able to believe things people tell me? What is it like to trust so easily? I want to be able to hear an explanation for something bad and believe it. I want to trust in all the good things instead of the bad. I want to know that I'm not being lied to by the people I love most... I have the answers, I have the explanations, why can't I be satisfied? I'm trying, I really am. I'm reminding myself over and over that the people I love would never lie to me. But, it's so hard to believe that I can be happy... Help me.

Why haven't I been on here in 209302 years?

So, not a whole lot has gone on since last I blogged... Um, Sam got kicked out of VOCS (boo!) but, he got into an even better school (yay!). I had a few run-ins with Miss Oesch, aka, modern day Hitler, but I stood my ground and she's backing off a bit (I was nothing but polite, I promise!). Oh, and May Extravaganza was fantastic. Blaahhh, but, lately, I've really come to realize how much I dislike certain people... Who shall remain unnamed. But, the two people I am thinking of are obnoxious, pretentious, self-involved, fake, and overall unlikeable people. Oh well, I will just remember to keep my distance, I guess...

I am in Tehachapi now. I hate sleeping in other people's houses. I am fine in hotels, i just can't be in another person's home and sleep well.

So, about yesterday.

It was pretty sweet.
My mom stayed home, which was cool in and of itself.
But then she took Sam and me to Sizzler, so I was pretty ecstatic.
Seeing as it's my favorite restaurant and all.
But it doesn't stop there, oh no.
THEN she gave me 20 bucks to go book shopping.
I bought Choke and Dante's Inferno.
Then she surprises me with a Hannah Montana poster, bag, and valentine cards.
Hahaha, it was fantasitc.
OH! And a yoga mat too.
AND A SWEATBAND.

Hahahaha, stellar.
<3




Je T'aime♥

Birthdays and Disneyland.

Alright, so, I kind of forgot all about this. I don't even remember what went on while I wasn't writing in here, so I guess I will just go ahead and talk about my most recent bout of amazingness.
So, it was my birthday on the 11th, but I pretty much started celebrating on Thursday and didn't stop until yesterday. It was fantastic to have more of a birthweekend than a birthday. This is kind of how it went:

Thursday:I got to spend the day at Sam's watching Disney movies, playing Rock Band, and generally being awesome with him. Oh! And breakfast at Denny's, which was ace because that's my favorite restaurant. Totally sweet, I know.

Friday: The best thing ever, I got to go with Sam to Disneyland, my absolute favorite place in the world. We were there for, like, 280382 hours or something like that. We went on pretty much every ride. It was amazing. We didn't leave until I was literally falling asleep on my feet. Good times.

Saturday: I had an awesome party with a lot of my family, some friends, and Sam. King Leo's definitely has the best pizza you'll ever find. I had a great time chatting it up with everyone and receiving tons of gifts. I got, like 9999 gift cards to Best Buy, which was wicked awesome. I plan to use them all up tomorrow... Plus, that night Lizette spent the night and we stayed up until 3:00 in the morning, talking about who knows what.

Sunday: Things cooled down a bit and I got to chill at Gilbert's with all my new presents. It was kind of like still celebrating. There was cake involved.

And that, my friends, was by birthweekend in all it's superabundant glory.