Thursday, December 20, 2007

panic attacks.

I hate when this happens. I woke up in the middle of the night, and was ready to just go back to sleep, but all of a sudden my heart started pounding, like it was fighting to get out of my ribcage. Then a wave of nausea hit that made me curl up in the fetal position and yell out for my mom. I couldn't really breathe, I could only really lay there and pray that it passed quickly. I could feel the blood rush through my arms like pinpricks and my head was lighter than air. The worst part was the fear. An implacable, but wholly palpable fear. All I could think about was how much I wished I was unconscious, so that I wouldn't have to endure all that panic and anxiety. I held on to my mom's hand so hard I could feel the blood pump through her veins. I had her put on some Bob Marley, which actually really calmed me down. This has happened before, but no matter how well I know the feeling, it always manages to turn me completely upside down. This one lasted way too long, in my opinion. I don't know what triggers it anymore, so I'm just going to hope and pray it doesn't happen again. I hate this…

Friday, December 7, 2007


I realized something today. I watched something today that suddenly made clear to me the fact that there is no such thing as the "perfect body". There are just body types and what you find beautiful in each one. There's always something that stands out about everyone: she's got the perfect hips, she's got beautiful bones, her curves are amazing. You don't have to make yourself into a carbon copy of the things you see in magazines because there's something about yourself that someone else is wishing they had. But, we shouldn't wish for anything like that. It shouldn't be about thinking "If I looked that way, I'd be perfect" or "If I changed this, I'd be beautiful". It's about thinking "I love this about me and I wouldn't change a thing". It's hard, I know. Better than most, I'm sure. But, I think it's time we all stopped killing ourselves to get those angles and those collarbones just so. We are who we are, and it's beautiful.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

So, it's official...

I'm pretty positive that I'm not Mexican at all, but British. I am waayyy to engrossed with U.K culture not to be. I came to this conclusion yesterday when I realized that Monty Python's Flying Circus is the greatest show ever made. I swear I'm moving to London...

But, anyway, nothing much has been happening, but I don't want to leave my blog with a meager two posts in however many days. So, I'll think of something to I know! You all need to watch Scrubs. All of you. Seriously, if you watch it, I swear you will laugh your face off. It's THAT hilarious. I've been watching it religiously for quite a while now. So do yourselves a favor and laugh yourself to death with the doctors at Sacred Heart.

Also, if you didn't know, the HARRY POTTER DVD is coming out on Tuesday :D If I don't get it, I don't know, I may cry. In case anyone was wanting to buy me something just for the hell of it, there you go.