panic attacks.

I hate when this happens. I woke up in the middle of the night, and was ready to just go back to sleep, but all of a sudden my heart started pounding, like it was fighting to get out of my ribcage. Then a wave of nausea hit that made me curl up in the fetal position and yell out for my mom. I couldn't really breathe, I could only really lay there and pray that it passed quickly. I could feel the blood rush through my arms like pinpricks and my head was lighter than air. The worst part was the fear. An implacable, but wholly palpable fear. All I could think about was how much I wished I was unconscious, so that I wouldn't have to endure all that panic and anxiety. I held on to my mom's hand so hard I could feel the blood pump through her veins. I had her put on some Bob Marley, which actually really calmed me down. This has happened before, but no matter how well I know the feeling, it always manages to turn me completely upside down. This one lasted way too long, in my opinion. I don't know what triggers it anymore, so I'm just going to hope and pray it doesn't happen again. I hate this…

Realization.

I realized something today. I watched something today that suddenly made clear to me the fact that there is no such thing as the "perfect body". There are just body types and what you find beautiful in each one. There's always something that stands out about everyone: she's got the perfect hips, she's got beautiful bones, her curves are amazing. You don't have to make yourself into a carbon copy of the things you see in magazines because there's something about yourself that someone else is wishing they had. But, we shouldn't wish for anything like that. It shouldn't be about thinking "If I looked that way, I'd be perfect" or "If I changed this, I'd be beautiful". It's about thinking "I love this about me and I wouldn't change a thing". It's hard, I know. Better than most, I'm sure. But, I think it's time we all stopped killing ourselves to get those angles and those collarbones just so. We are who we are, and it's beautiful.

So, it's official...

I'm pretty positive that I'm not Mexican at all, but British. I am waayyy to engrossed with U.K culture not to be. I came to this conclusion yesterday when I realized that Monty Python's Flying Circus is the greatest show ever made. I swear I'm moving to London...

But, anyway, nothing much has been happening, but I don't want to leave my blog with a meager two posts in however many days. So, I'll think of something to say...um.... I know! You all need to watch Scrubs. All of you. Seriously, if you watch it, I swear you will laugh your face off. It's THAT hilarious. I've been watching it religiously for quite a while now. So do yourselves a favor and laugh yourself to death with the doctors at Sacred Heart.

Also, if you didn't know, the HARRY POTTER DVD is coming out on Tuesday :D If I don't get it, I don't know, I may cry. In case anyone was wanting to buy me something just for the hell of it, there you go.

For anyone who's reading....

There are some charity organizations I've been trying to promote via Myspace bulletins and whatnot, and I thought a blog would be another perfect place to get the word out. All of these are free to contribute to and they really make a difference when everyone comes together to make it work. These you just click a button once a day (or more, if you're so inclined) and money is donated to certain organizations:

Save The World - One Click At A Time!

On each of these websites, you can click a button to support the cause -- each click creates funding, and costs you nothing! Bookmark these sites, and click once a day!





Click here to post this on your page or 'blog

This one is a search engine. It will give you the same results as Yahoo! or Google, but it it donates money to a charity of your choice every time you search. It's free, easy, and effective if we all make a point to use it:




Ok, and THIS one is actually a game :D Fun, right? You play a vocabulary game where you find the synonym to a given word, and for every word you get right, 20 grains of rice are donated to someone who needs it. It doesn't seem like much, but trust me, it adds up (I've donated 4,700 grains in a single sitting). So, please, give it a try :):




Thanks to anyone who goes to these sites to help out. You're sweet :D!

So... I'll jump on the bandwagon.

So, since everyone in the world seems to have a blog on here, I guess I don't want to be left out.
Well, first off, I was struck just a while ago with the reality of just how big a jackass some people can be. Seriously. I hate people who feel the need to be an ass to be funny/cool/whatever. Pretentious little John Bender wannabes make me wish I was bold enough to actually TELL them they're cretins. I can only write about it... Beautiful.
Well, anyway, on to brighter things. Today was pretty amazing. Got to watch the Lion King with my love and I got me my waffles and apple sauce :D

I guess there really isn't a lot for me to say, seeing as it's my first blog. I don't know how to go about making things in my life sound interesting...