The ground is not mine to walk upon.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm not all here. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I just get the weird sensation of not really... existing. It's a really strange thing to admit, I know, but it's always been an odd problem of mine. It's this thing called derealization, and I tend to get it in waves. Sometimes it's hitting me hard, and sometimes I don't feel it at all. I'm going through a wave of total cognizance of it right now, and it's not a good feeling. I sometimes wonder if anyone else has that feeling. I get a lot of insane notions in my head, now that I think about it. I feel like everything is out of my control, like I'm not a real person and my thoughts and emotions are controlled by some sadistic higher power. I want to be able to make myself feel safe and happy. I want to be able to go through just one night where I'm not out of my mind with anxiety. Why can't I make myself OK? Ugh, it's it's outragelously frustrating. I really run out of ways to calm myself down sometimes, and I would love to know what I can do about it. Maybe someday it will go away, but, I don't think it will be anytime soon...